“Wait until you get older…”

BY: VS.

The art of empathy is an art to pursue. It takes more than a lifetime to perfect, but, sadly, many neglect the need to. Unfortunately, although subtle, it seems to be fading all around.

On a macrolevel, issues of race, terror, and war prevail in this country and abroad; however, no one seems to want to listen, let alone understand, each other in order to come up with solutions. Politicians constantly push for their own agendas while failing to really hear each other out. At the workplace, employers do not listen to the plea of their employees. At home, wives complain that husbands try to come up with solutions rather than empathize. And, at church, members do not accept others for their failures and shortcomings.

Progression exists though in areas of technology, communication, and social media. But, it’s amazing how there could be such digression in areas of love, empathy, and sympathy.

Often times, people (often those who I am close to like family) ask me – How are you doing?

I then answer with a simple, but generic – Good, it’s been busy.  

And, in many cases, that statement is often met with a very annoying – Wait until you get older. Or, wait until you have kids.

(And I’m not sure if this is just a Korean-American community thing or if it happens to everybody. In any case, for some reason, this happens to me all the time.)

They then follow up with – When are you getting married? When will you have kids? Do you have a girlfriend?

(This is definitely a Korean thing. Korean parents always have an obsession with your significant other.)

This gets me thinking naturally – Why do they always ask me this? Why the expectations? Why must they compare their lives to others?  

They basically asked me a generic question (in regards to how I was doing) to eventually lecture me to hurry and get married and have kids and whatever else. No matter the intent, they actually end up being very annoying, at times discouraging and sometimes even patronizing.

Truth is, I don’t need another lecture. I don’t want advice. I don’t want a solution. My life is what it is. It doesn’t have to fit into your idea of where a person needs to be in life.

If you’re asking me how I am doing, then be genuinely concerned about my well-being and leave it at that. And realize that, often times, encouragement, nothing more and nothing less, is what I need.

As I write this, I realize that I may have been that annoying friend who lectures all the time while lacking empathy and understanding. These days, I constantly think about how I can simply be a good friend to all those around me. It is definitely not easy, but I hope to improve consistently moving forward

Better today than yesterday. Better tomorrow than today.